Despair and Hope--Chapter 12
by Kari
Summary: It's a month after Cal brings Rose back to NY. Things only worsen . . .


Despair and Hope--Chapter 12 

By Kari Raines @ TrekGirl2000@netscape.net 

Please read Prologue-Chapter 11 first. 

Hi, Everyone! Thank you so much to all those who have been kind enough to review my work. I always appreciate it. =) 

Be warned: This chapter is darker and more violent than usual. For those out there easily offended or easily hurt, this contains attempted rape. You've been warned. ~~~~~~~~~~ 

Once again, she found herself on the sinking ship, the floor tilting at an unnatural angle. Her feet beat mercilessly against the floor, matching the rhythm of her heart. Around her, she could hear the sounds of metal groaning--it's a deep, cold sound--a sound that haunts dreams as surely as desperate wails in the night. 

Rose put the thought out of her mind as she rounded yet another corner. She peered down the eerily lighted hallway, and then the next. They were identical--almost no distinguishing features. She closed her eyes momentarily, trying to think. Oh, God. She had to find Jack. 

Opening her eyes, she made her decision. She ran, calling for Jack as she did so, voice pleading. But the only answer she received was that of her own voice, echoing off the walls. But she ran on, rounding another corner. Identical. They all looked the same. She took a deep breath. "Jack!!" she screamed. 

Oh, God, why wouldn't he answer her? The ship groaned once again, the sound seeming to come directly from the belly of the beast. Rose grimaced as she realized that they were caught in the belly of the beast. It would swallow them whole. 

But Rose dismissed these thoughts as she continued to run. She didn't care if the ship ripped apart around her. She had to find Jack. Jack had to know she was sorry--sorry for believing Cal. She ran on, momentarily stopping in every room. 

She stopped suddenly, as she noticed the water in the direction she was heading. It had come to swallow her whole. It was an obstacle, keeping her from her beloved Jack. But she didn't care. She waded right through it, ignoring the numbing pain that shot through her limbs. 

The water was waist deep now, but she kept going. She would find Jack. I'm sorry, Jack, so sorry. 

She would have kept going if something hadn't caught her attention. It was simply a flicker in the corner of her eye and a tingling sensation that traveled down her spine. She stopped, and slowly turned, oblivious to the water that now rose to her chest. 

She peered into the room, but it was unmistakable. Beneath the surging water was the figure of a man--a man trapped, bound by handcuffs. Rose could see the tousled blond hair visible just above the surface. 

Carefully, Rose waded toward the figure, dread filling her heart and numbing her mind. As she neared him, she trembled violently, but it wasn't from the coldness of the water. Tentatively, she reached out a hand to touch his icy flesh. 

No, it couldn't be. No. 

But as she turned his head toward her, she shrank back in horror. She screamed as Jack's dead eyes stared at her through the glassy water. Cold, dead eyes. Jack's eyes. 

Rose shut her own eyes tight and began to scream, attempting to drown out the sound of the voice in the back of her mind. The voice that said over and over, "You killed him." 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

Rose's eyes snapped open suddenly, and she gasped, sitting up in bed. She jumped slightly as thunder struck suddenly, and she had to take deep breaths to calm her racing heart. She wiped away the red strands that clung stiffly to her forehead and cheeks. Just a dream. Just a dream. She looked toward the window, where the rain steadily poured. It was the middle of the day, but hardly a ray of light managed to invade the gloominess of the New York sky. 

Just as well. When depressed, Rose preferred that her surroundings matched her moods. 

"I was wondering if you'd ever wake up." 

Rose started at the quiet, controlled voice that originated from the far corner of the room. Rose's eyes focused on him then, noticing Caledon Hockley for the first time. He was disheveled, as if he'd been sleeping in that chair. The dark circles under his eyes that Rose had become accustomed to seemed to have deepened. She watched as he buried his head in his hands. 

She was unsure of what to make of the scene. She very rarely ever saw Cal in such a state, and Rose was unsure of the clashing emotions that battled in his mind, and she was pretty sure he'd been drinking. 

"You've slept all day," he said, voice gentle. 

Rose scowled visibly. After all he had done, he still tried to gain her trust and loyalty. 

"You should eat something, Rose. You need your health." 

Why? she wanted to snap. So I can give birth to a healthy baby girl that will be taken from me? 

Rose rubbed her belly protectively. It had been a month since Cal brought her here, and she could now almost feel the life inside of her--the life Jack had given her. She had no intention of giving it up, even though Cal made it clear those were just his intentions. 

In the month since coming here, Rose had mostly slept, not wishing to be disturbed. Sometimes, her mother would come and sit beside her on the bed, talking softly and stroking her hair. It disgusted Rose. 

Ruth had never been that loving when she was a child. Now she did it for--like always--her own selfish reasons. 

Sometimes Cal would come to her. He would bring her flowers and expensive gifts--Cal and his expensive gifts--and talk nicely to her. He would try to talk her into getting out of bed to come to dinner. But it was to be a private dinner, of course. Cal's intentions were, obviously, to keep her tucked away from society until her 'problem' was dealt with. 

Sometimes Cal would yell at her and tell her she was being ridiculous. Once, he hit her. Rose could do nothing but cry. And Ruth turned a blind eye, as did all the hired hands. 

But never before had Rose seen him like this--with his true feelings laid out. It was obvious he was truly upset and hurt, but Rose could not pity him. 

"I will have my dinner brought to me," she said firmly, using the trained air of authority she was raised with. She would not eat for Cal, but she would eat for Jackie, as she always had. 

Cal said nothing. He merely stared at and through her, tired eyes studying her face and belly intently. His face was emotionless, but she could see the turmult beneath his eyes--the battle between anger and hurt. 

"You were moaning his name in your sleep," Cal said suddenly, voice eerily soft. 

Rose said nothing as she gazed back out at the comforting rain. She strained her ears, listening to the steady thumping of it on the roof. 

"What did it take, Rose?" 

She looked at him curiously. 

"What did it take for you allow to allow him to . . . touch you?" He spat the words out disgustedly. "What did it take for him to turn you into a slut?" He stood up now, moving toward her menacingly. 

Rose clung to the headboard fearfully, mind frozen with shock. Apparently, anger had won the battle. 

"Did you enjoy it, Rose? Did you enjoy what he did to you?" 

Rose looked around the room desperately, searching for any means of escape, but he was looming above her now. His eyes were glazed over. He looked insane. "Cal--" 

"What??" he snapped, grabbing her upper arms. 

Rose screamed, but was silenced suddenly by the bone-shattering impact of his hand on the side of her face. 

"You let him touch you in a way you never let me touch you." 

He was on top of her now, pinning her to the bed, but Rose was frozen with fear. She could feel his hot breath on her face and her ear--angered and aroused. "You are MY fiance," he hissed in her ear, sending chills up her spine. "As I said before, you will honor me the way a wife is required to honor her husband." 

Rose was crying outright now, wet tears streaking her reddened face. But that only seemed to arouse him further. She struggled, but before she could do anything, her arms were pinned above her head. He kissed her roughly now, but Rose resisted, forcing herself not to think about what was about to happen-- 

--But suddenly, Cal stopped. He pulled away from her, confusion in his eyes. Slowly he backed away, and as he did so, Rose curled into the fetal position, wrapping her arms and nightgown around her knees. 

Cal watched on quietly as she trembled violently, crying into the fabric of her nightgown. He was suddenly unable to comprehend his own actions. Tears formed in his eyes as he watched Rose sobbing uncontrollably into her pillows, but he wiped them away with annoyance. 

"Sweetpea . . ." He wanted to go to her, tell her he was sorry. But he knew she would push him away. She would never let him touch her again. He backed away from the room, unsure of what he would do now. 

As he left, Rose was terrified, but relieved. Cal had almost raped her. He had been in control enough to stop himself this time, but next time, Rose wasn't so sure he would. 

She hated him. 

"Jack, help me. Please, Jack. Please help me." 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

Chapter 13 coming soon! 

Please review! =) 


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